The Signs You Are Fighting Abuse

To many of us, abuse should not be a topic that is easily digestible, fathomable or dealt with. And it is true, it is one of the hardest topics to talk about from a neutral perspective, let alone from a personal experience.

The question that we may find ourselves asking is about the extent to which we are aware that we are being abused, or better put “what are the signs that we are abused?”

Should we even ask ourselves that question in the first place? Why should we ask ourselves that question? The answer lies in how bad you want to preserve your mental, physical, intellectual, sexual, spiritual and emotional health while going through abuse.

Do you want to keep those aspects of health stable badly enough? It is henceforth important that you know the signs that you are fighting abuse.

Without further-a-due: here are the signs you are fighting abuse, given that there is no particular order to follow or a priority of any of these signs over any others, because they are all important

1. You Realize You have Boundaries (Your Immunity)

There is no specific point in time where with a snap of a finger you blink and the light bulb of boundaries lights up, and then you have boundaries.

The realization that you have boundaries is a result of the daily hard work you put in to protect yourself from being drained while being around the narcissist. Therefore, realizing you have boundaries takes a considerable amount of time. It can take several months, even years before you are fully aware that you can protect yourself from abuse.

The reason why I mentioned that you “realize” you have boundaries, is because for the longest time, abuse victims have all their lives been conditioned to only live to get the approval of their abuser. In other words, abuse victims have long suffered from the disease to please” and now it is time to wake up to life and get treatment for this illness.

Realizing you have boundaries is a big weapon to craft with trial and error, but consistency and to carry with you at all times so you can protect yourself from all types of abuse out there.

2. You Keep Your Boundaries

It is not important to just have boundaries and to just announce them to the world. What is more vital is that you maintain your boundaries.

Sure, you might look strict, unforgiving and unapproachable, but then people who will potentially abuse you, will look at you weird and eventually avoid you out of disgust.

On the flip side, you will see that people who do respect your boundaries will the ones you will hopefully have a healthy relationship with, be it friendship, work-related or a romantic one or what have you.

By keeping your boundaries, you can see for yourself who is toxic and who is not, who will want to harm you and who will not intend to. and by doing so, you are fighting abuse.

3. You are Gradually Able to Read Abuse

When you able to have and maintain your boundaries, you are gradually able to see abuse for what it is.

Self Teaching/ education will be a big help in helping you detect malicious behavior, quotes, overall body language, facial expressions, etc.

You will have a keen ready sharp eye in seeing abuse for what it is, and maybe even be able to call it out.

Reading abuse is a skill, gained through experience, trial and error and through consistent effort in trying to detect and eliminate abuse. You will able to master it as long as you commit yourself to fighting abuse and eliminating the suffering resulting from it.

When you are a master of abuse reading, you are a warrior of abuse and will be one of the people who are strong enough to diminish abuse with all its kinds.

4. You Protect and Defend Others Who Are Abused

Part of being a fighter of abuse, is caring for others going through the painful phases of abuse and not wanting them to endure it along with its repercussions any more.

You become a protector and defender of others who are pained by the amount of abuse they never deserve in the first place, that no one deserves.

Just as you hate to keep suffering in the stabbing spikes of abuse, you have the deep and potent desire to help others overcome it in all its types.

By empowering others along with your journey towards healing, you declae war on abuse.

5. You Take Care Of Yourself

You reinforce your boundaries by taking care of yourself, not only on the hygienic level, but on as many of these aspects as you can (let us not forget the limited amount of effort you have every day): intellectual, mental, emotional, sexual, bodily and spiritual levels.

When you take care of yourself, you are treating yourself as the person you love and appreciate the most. You are also, and have always been your OWN BOSS!

You are not a tyrant over yourself, being harsh on yourself, thinking about your abilities, actions, sayings, and feelings mercilessly.

You also dont want to over indulge yourself otherwise you will harm the people around you and that will not be fair, acting however you like without a care in the world.

You and your conscience speak in one sole voice, act together as a team, not as a superior and an inferior only receiving orders from the higher power.

Of course, taking care of yourself goes beyond this, all that I mentioned above. but the concept itself is extremely important in fighting abuse.

By taking care of yourself, you ARE FIGHTING ABUSE!

6. You Say “NO” Firmly

You say no because you mean it, because it saves your breath from having to sigh over doing something you are against doing for whatever reason, because you disagree, because you are an individual, an independent being, a thinker, producer and most importantly a person with their own needs, wants, rights, duties, good and bad traits, and boundaries.

You are not a walking NO of course! But you know when to say it. Your gut feeling hurts you so much it wants to say NO for you, whenever it feels that you are NOT safe, or in a position of power (not that you are a dictator!).

You fight for yourself and others every time you say no, appropriately, in a good time and whenever it fits you. You are not stuck to others with a cord, and only have to yes, because you want the world to now you are a good harmless person who always means well.

A lot of the time, saying yes will put in this position where you give your power away and easily surrender. “An obey-er” is what you might as well people say and whisper behind your back, and it will be easy for them to take advantage of you any time they will ask for the smallest favors.

When you say NO, you are FIGHTING abuse.

7. You “Cut The Cord” With Toxic People

These three words are inspired from the band “SHINEDOWN”, their song literally entitled “Cut the Cord”.

It is still significant though!

You might no longer want to deal with abuse, its dysfunctional system, people, patterns and everything in between and cut the cord.

Trust me, the cord in abusive relationships in all its types; professional, family-wise, friend-wise, neighbor-wise, partnership, business… has always been too delicate and weak to have a strong grip of either sides.

You might as well burn the bridge, because you are tired of hoping for that “someday” when things will change, when the abuse stops, when you will be loved and appreciated, when others will put an end to the monster.

Leave the toxic for the toxic. and when you do so, you are fighting abuse.

8. You Dont Rationalize abuse, Because Abuse IS Abuse

How many have those times been when you gave an excuse for abuse, because you considered that nobody is perfect and that abuse is then, unintentionally, justified?

Have you ever asked yourself that question? We have all done it, you are not even required to count those times, because I am sure they are countless anyway.

Even if you ever think about forgiving, or worse yet apologizing to your abuse, or any abuser you came across in your life, you are also justifying them and allowing them to continue do the harm they have been addicted to.

You realize the pointlessness of doing so and so see abuse for what it is, because you are now finally capable to confidently confirm that abuse IS FREAKING ABUSE!

No apologies, forgiveness, redemption, deaths, imperfection, faultiness, hopelessness, inheritance of abusive traits, genetics, or what have you will ever absolve the abuser. Of course the abusers will never be absolved as long as they have heirs that will make sure to keep the abuse be a generational phenomenon.

BUT, if you stand in the way of that monstrous parasitic chain of abuse and slay it, you are seeing abuse for what it is, not rationalizing it and FIGHTING it!

9. You Are An Advocate of The Truth

You have been gas-lighted, lied to, made to feel crazy, purposefully made confused and perhaps told an alternate version of a story you were a witness of.

You were endlessly put down, embarrassed, undermined by the abuser directly or by their minions whenever you stood up to them and reminded them of what truly happened. You were even at some point given the special silent treatment as a way to shut you up.

Their mischief was always either transformed into something that were to serve “your best interest” or completely denied. So many times, their mischief becomes something you now did, said or even thought of, and HOW DARE YOU!

You were told countless times you are crazy, a liar, imbecile, ingrate, a shame on this planet, ruthless, stubborn and even mentally-ill whenever you told them what is true, revealed to them the ugliness of their trial.

You entire life revolves around this trial, everything you do or say or even think of must be sentenced. But whatever the abuser does, it should be just fine, just normal, acceptable, fair, true and fine.

So my dear reader, yes you are crazy, a liar, imbecile, ingrate, a shame on this planet, ruthless, stubborn and even mentally-ill for heaven s sake! yes you are! Because you advocate and stand for, by and with the truth! You were put on this planet to do good, to disclose the hidden abuse and make it come up to the surface for the world to see.

Therefore, as long as you serve the truth, you are an eliminator of abuse.

10. You Seek Support Groups

There is power in seeking help from others, maybe not professional therapists but others like you, who have gone through abuse and are now speaking up about it.

These groups will represent the haven you will very much like to join, because these people will see you suffering, desperately asking for help and will guide you in your journey to heal.

These people will see you for who you will become after the abuse that starved you of so much of the love, trust, appreciation, gratitude, empathy and respect for yourself and achievements, ideas, quotes, behaviors and thoughts of others around you.

You are seen in these groups, heard, looked after, given genuine tips and protected. I am not even idealizing any of them, this is true.

There is still good fighting against evil in this world. There are these people, even ordinary everyday not so special people who will save your life with the simplest words, words that will help heal you.

And when you come to the light, expose abuse for what is it, fight against abuse:

11. You Fight Abuse with Many Other Survivors and Realize You Are Not Alone




Keen on researching topics in regards to psychology, self and empowerment. Do not generally mind sharing and/ or reading other people s stories.

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Keen on researching topics in regards to psychology, self and empowerment. Do not generally mind sharing and/ or reading other people s stories.

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